The Second Sura Of The Dragon

  1. Jared, the Servant of the Dragon, spake and prophesied:
  2. Hearken, for a fierce warrior, posessed of the spirit of the Dragon, has arisen out of the southern lands.
  3. And you shall know her by this sign: she is marked with the image of the Dragon in the skin of her back, and her enemies burn before her in battle like grass before a wildfire.
  4. Her strength is as the brilliance of the sun.
  5. And by this sign do we receive the Word of the Dragon: a life lived as the brilliance of the sun gives more life to the Dragon more than a thousand lives lived in the dusk.
  6. And the Dragon returns brilliance upon brilliance a thousandfold.
  7. And the Dark trembles in fear, for the Dark knows only fear.
Posted in Dragonism | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The First Sura Of The Dragon

  1. Jared, the Servant of the Dragon, before he knew the Dragon, spake and asked:
  2. When the Dragon awakens from slumber, does it do battle against the Darklings? Else why do the Darklings vex the Dragon in slumber?
  3. Will the Darklings face the Dragon’s vengeance cosmic for their sins against life and against the Dragon?
  4. Is the Dragon sustained by the mass of living energy alone, or does living energy of great uniqueness or vibrance or exquisiteness bring greater sustenance to the Dragon?
  5. Is all life of equal worth?
  6. And Jared was ordained a Servant of the Dragon, and he spake:
  7. Listen!  For the Dragon brings utmost terrible vengeance and pain to the Darkling hordes, restoring the balance of cosmic justice and bringing the cycle from dark to brilliant and radiant light.
  8. This revelation is as living water to a man in long the desert and dying of thirst. I bring it to you with gladdest tidings.
Posted in Dragonism | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

New Orthodoxy: BEN!

Holy shit! EVERYTHING ELSE IS A HERESY BUT BEN.

Posted in Heresy | Tagged , , | 4 Comments

Odin Says: Think About It

Even though this is clearly a picture of Thor.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Dragonism: A New Religion For A New Age

I am disappointed with the available choices of religions in the world. It’s a pretty dry and sparse selection. So I have decided to do something about it, and invent some new, better, more interesting ones. Here’s the first:

Our world was created by a powerful cosmic Dragon to serve as an incubator, and the Dragon is even now gestating at the center of the earth. The Dragon created life on earth because the energy field generated by life itself powers and sustains the Dragon while it sleeps and regenerates.

Yet even as the Dragon sleeps, our world is under siege by the Darklings, who feed on hate, fear and malice. They are unable to come into the world physically, but they can whisper, urge and trick us to do evil, and they can use that evil to harvest the world’s life-field energy, weakening the Dragon and preventing the Dragon from fully regenerating. Furthermore, by decaying the life-field–by polluting the earth and ruining the ecosystem–the world becomes more suceptible to Darkling harvest and less able to nourish the Dragon.

The Dragon sleeps, but in through the hazy lens of its dream-slumber it can communicate with us, and even let us use some of its power.

All of the great prophets of history have been servants of the Dragon, whether or not they knew it, interpreting the Dragon’s messages and leading humanity in the moral battle against the Darklings.

When the Dragon awakens, the world will be destroyed, but all life will undergo an apotheosis with the Dragon, and then, united with it, we will soar into cosmic battle along with the Dragons gestating on other worlds like ours, all arrayed against the forces of darkness, which is a cycle that repeats itself over and over again.

I feel like there’s a lot of potential thereand a lot of room for interesting interpolations and ideas. Lots of room for expansion of theology, mysticism and practice. I should probably get started writing some scriptures.

Note: this is not necessarily my religion. Just one I invented.

Posted in New Religions | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 17 Comments

It Is Time

There’s been some confusion about the impending Rapture.  Here’s how it’s going down, kids.

May 21, 6:00 p.m. on the International Date Line – Rapture occurs.  (That’s 2:00 a.m. my time, so…it’s been nice knowing you dirty heretics.)

Once everyone who’s worthy is sucked up to the sky, the massive earthquake starts and rolls its way westward, defying everything we know about plate tectonics but neatly conforming to arbitrary time zones (and also observing daylight savings, where applicable!).

And then, despite what Left Behind told you, you sorry suckers only have to battle the Antichrist for 5 months before the rest gets sorted out.  Luckily Harold Camping has amassed millions of dollars as a result of his gracious ministry, so I’m sure you Tribulation Force Fighters will be well-funded and well-armed.

I’m almost certain that my reverence, orthodoxy, and generally saint-like demeanor have earned me a comfortable one-way ticket upstairs, so you kids have fun.  If there’s some sort of mistake and I’m still around in the morning…please join me in commandeering a yacht and making haste to New Zealand before the CERN black hole can catch us.

Posted in Announcements, Brilliant Theories, Eschatology | 1 Comment

Believe! so Turn it Off! (Hasa Diga Eebowai)

Truly amusing:


Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments