For what? For my ridiculous life choices.
The good ol’ HuffPo published this gem by Tracy McMillan today: Why You’re Not Married.
I won’t comment on the fact that this is by a woman who is thrice divorced. I’m not actually sure it matters.
But for those unwilling to click through, the facts are laid out thus:
I’m a woman. I want to get married. I’m not. And this is because…
- I’m a bitch.
- I’m shallow.
- I’m a slut.
- I’m a liar.
- I’m selfish.
- I’m not good enough.
Basically, “if whatever you’re doing right now was going to get you married, you’d already have a ring on it.”
I’m not arguing that these traits won’t keep a woman from ensnaring a proper mate. I firmly believe that there are many women who just kind of suck. That doesn’t make them undeserving of love, it just means they’re maybe not the best candidates for marriage at the time they think they should have it. I also think there’s a lot to be said for the idea that some women feel so entitled to a custom-tailored Man that they forget they’re looking to marry a human who will inevitably have flaws and needs. It’s a give-and-take. It’s not always happy, and quite often the most difficult undertaking in the world. I’m a child of divorce, and I observe a lot of relationships. I get it.
But…surely women who are very interested in getting married don’t need to exhibit one of the above qualities to explain their current singleness, right? Take, for example….me.
First, I’m not a slut, you pervs. I’m the biggest prude I know (outside my Mo friends, of course. And even then….I may still win against a few of them.).
Second, while certain lurkers who would never admit they read anything I write may argue to the contrary, I’m really not a bitch. Nor am I shallow. That’s directed at you, certain lurker.
Anyway. I worked full-time while going to law school. I graduated with good grades from a good school (suck it, Kullervo), and I got myself a kick ass job. Add to that the fact that growing up and through college, guys just weren’t that into me. And I don’t blame them for that…I was a repellent combination of nerd, angst, awkward, and (in college) weight gain that made me even more insecure. So….I just haven’t dated much. The three people I’ve dated since college were a dreamy Mormon hippie (read: expiration date), a business student attending school in Europe (read: automatic expiration date) and a dreamy Mormon heart-breaker (read: automatic expiration date).
So….I’d like to think that even though I’m looking to get married in the next few years, I haven’t done so for pretty good, legitimate reasons. At best, my choices could probably fall in the “selfish” category, but I’d like to think that pursuing a career in my early-mid twenties isn’t so much selfish as normal and good for society. And the US trade enforcement regime, as it were.
So. Now that I have selfishly sucked up your time by reassuring myself that I’m so awesome, we come to the question. How full of shit is this article? It’s not entirely wrong, but isn’t it grossly overstating its point? There are definite problems in how some women have grown to view men and relationships with men, but….all of them? Is this article purely for single women in their thirties, and I’m just projecting my own panic at being 28 years old and unmarried despite coming from a town where I was one of two single women attending my ten year reunion? (That’s not a joke.) And regardless of who the target audience is…how long are women supposed to be “single and looking” before they’re “single and looking and obviously flawed in some way”?
Also, I’m aware that dating boys with expiration dates is counterproductive. I’ve stopped doing that. So, you know, focus on the bigger and more interesting issue rather than making fun of my lack of game.