Theological Conundrum: On The Heavens

My question is a simple one: when outlaw country stars like Waylon Jennings and Johnny Cash die, which heaven do they go to? Do they go to Rock and Roll Heaven, with Jimi Hendrix and Jim Morrison? Or is there a separate Country Music Heaven, presided over by Hank Williams? Or is there a specific Outlaw Country Heaven? Or do they go to Cowboy Heaven, even though they were not technically cowboys?

How do the angels sort out who goes to which heaven, and what do they do with the tricky cases, like Merle Haggard? He’s not dead yet, but it’s going to come up. Does he go to Outlaw Country Heaven or regular Country Music Heaven? And what about the rennaisance men like Kris Kristofferson? Is there a Rennaisance Man Heaven, with Leonardo da Vinci as the high angel?

Or do the outlaws just, ride between the heavens without anybody’s permission, like my brother claims?

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About Kullervo

Thirtysomething Christian, husband, father and lawyer; interested in the Bible, country music, southern lit, guitars, gardening, beer, running, nature, rock and roll, wargaming, southern food, Calvinism, the Crusades, the Protesant Reformation and the Civil War.
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12 Responses to Theological Conundrum: On The Heavens

  1. Pingback: Theological Conundrum: On The Heavens | Songs From The Wood

  2. BrianJ says:

    Your brother is on to something.

    My question: is there a Blues Heaven? Because, you know, I’m not sure if that’s even possible.

  3. Jared C says:

    Didn’t Hendrix sell his soul to the Devil?

  4. Jared C says:

    Same with Blues Heaven. .

    Robert Johnson deserves it, but it seems likely that he also sold his soul considering how ridiculously good he was. . .

  5. Kullervo says:

    Rock and Roll Heaven is not in the same cosmology as hell. Robert Johhnson is definitely there (or in Blues Heaven–in fact, he raises a lot of the same theological sticky wickets) because the Devil is also there.

  6. BrianJ says:

    “the Devil is also [in Rock and Roll Heaven].”

    Which is really interesting, because we’ve already established that Jesus will undoubtedly be there as well.

  7. Kullervo says:

    Which is really interesting, because we’ve already established that Jesus will undoubtedly be there as well.

    Isn’t it? He’s just there as like, a #1 fan, though.

  8. Whitney says:

    I just want to point out that “MadChemist” has the last word on that thread, which is super poignant since he later morphed into the extra-angsty PC before totally combusting and leaving our blogging universe FOREVER.

  9. Whitney says:

    Also, your brother’s right.

  10. Jared C says:

    I am pretty sure many outlaw country guys won’t be allowed in Disco Heaven, assuming such a place exists.

    However I am assuming John Belushi will be allowed into and subsequently thrown out of most of the heavens due to his likability and tendency to binge drink.

  11. Kullervo says:

    I am pretty sure many outlaw country guys won’t be allowed in Disco Heaven, assuming such a place exists.

    Confirmed, beyond question:

  12. Jared C says:

    “Line up for the dance
    Yeah bring those fancy pants
    Y’know there’s disco in the air
    And hairspray everywhere.”

    She almost seems to be calling Merle Haggard out.

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