Space Minister Absolves You Of Your Sins

Just a quick note: my awesome sister-in-law is getting married to an awesome guy, and they awesomely asked me to officiate. I was honored, and I think its a splendid idea, so I went straightaway to the Universal Life Church to get ordained. So now I can blog with even more authority, as a fully vested Space Minister with all the power and knowledge appurtenant thereunto. I even have the authority to absolve you of your sinsin space!

Or, you know, wherever.

And as such, I hereby exercise that authority to absolve YOU of all your sins, right the fuck now. You’re good. Carry on.

PS, it can’t be undone, sorry. If you want to be sinful again, you will have to go out and commit some new ones.

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About Kullervo

Thirtysomething Christian, husband, father and lawyer; interested in the Bible, country music, southern lit, guitars, gardening, beer, running, nature, rock and roll, wargaming, southern food, Calvinism, the Crusades, the Protesant Reformation and the Civil War.
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7 Responses to Space Minister Absolves You Of Your Sins

  1. Jared C says:

    I am so glad I read this blog today. Heaven knows I needed the absolution for what I did last night. . . . Wait, what is the effective date of the absolution, the date of posting or date of reading? Believe me, it matters.

  2. Kullervo says:

    Date of reading. Come back anytime.

  3. Jared C says:

    Yes! I question the theological consistency of that doctrine but greatly appreciate its application in this case.

  4. Kullervo says:

    Jared, let me ask you this: which one of us is an ordained minister? Mormon lay priesthood does not count.

    But if you’re still skeptical, then fine, Space Minister hereby absolves you of all your sins, effective as of the date and time of this comment. Go forth and start sinning anew.

  5. Jared C says:

    I am not arguing. Like everyone I have ever met, most theological positions that I hold are not consistent, they just work for me on one level or another. I am going to defer to your authority on this question regardless of whether it makes sense.

    I do appreciate the double absolution.

  6. BrianJ says:

    double absolution! And it’s still free?!?!!!!

    I have a question though. (You could even call it a “doubt,” but I’m reluctant to do that after seeing how Jared got smacked down when he wasn’t even arguing.) So, this “absolution” thing… Let’s say that I have a friend who once long long ago liked “Steel Magnolias”—but just to be clear: now he (or she) doesn’t like it at all, in fact he (or she) hates it and thinks it is sappy trash and despises his (or her) former self for ever watching the whole let alone liking it temporarily. Does, um, well…does your ministry cover that?

  7. Kullervo says:

    Space Minister absolves you of all sins other than talking shit about BSG. You’ll have to get some hack of a garden-variety minister to absolve you of that one.

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